You know how everyone says “You’ll remember exactly where you where when _________ happened”? I think they’re right. I’ll forever remember that I was in my tiny apartment searching for my W2’s from 2007 when the news about Manny Ramirez broke. I’d just gotten home, my TV wasn’t on, and my monitor with my e-mail, RSS feeds, and Twitter updates was still off. My phone rang… it was my friend Doug. It’s finals week at the university here, so I figured it was a “Duuuude, let’s go get DRUNK!!!” call. Instead, I got “Duuuuude, did you hear about MANNY?!?!?”
My first thoughts after the initial shock of everything wore off: Awesome. We got rid of him just in time. But after about 15 seconds of inner glee, the horror of this saga really hit home. Manny Ramirez, member of the LA Dodgers, former Boston Red Sox slugger, and key member of the 2004 and 2007 World Series teams.
I think I just died a little inside.
The only thing that makes me laugh a little bit is the fact that he was caught using a women’s fertility drug, which is used by steroid users to “restart their hormone system” after coming off of a ‘roid cycle.
Let me rephrase that. Women’s fertility drug. ’nough said.
Check out this list: A-Rod. Clemens. McGwire. Bonds. Ramirez. All of these, easily Hall of Fame players. All of these, players that have been busted for steroids in recent years. If the top echelon players, the stars, the household names, are being busted for steroids, what is stopping everyone else from using as well? I was talking to one of my friends Curt as I sat here and borrowed other people’s thoughts for my own maniacal gain wrote this article, and the comments went something like this:
Curt: At least my Mariners haven’t been known to cheat… except maybe A-Rod.
Me: This entire league cheats.
Curt: True… but we (Mariners) haven’t gotten caught yet.
Isn’t that just a sad thing to think about?
Bugs and Cranks, one of my favorite blogs to read, had just about the funniest headline on their blog today:
The entirety of Major League Baseball today tested positive for performance enhancing drugs and has been suspended 50 games.
“Major League Baseball had has no tolerance for drugs the last year or two,” said commissioner Bud Selig. “Therefore, I am sending the entire sport to its room without dinner and grounding it for 50 games. Hopefully baseball will think have some time to think about what it’s done and get its act together in time for the Fourth of July barbecue at Uncle Mike’s.”
… For the next 50 games, Major League Baseball will be entirely clean for the first time in its history.
… MMA legend Jose Canseco could not be reached for comment but was believed to be smirking.
Someone (T. Kornheiser, M. Wilbon, or the “host” Tony Reali) tweeted via @PTIShow a link about the Manny saga, written by Bill Simmons. (I’d post an excerpt, but it’d end off being over half of the article… so just go there and read it.) If you’re a Red Sox fan, prepare yourself. Get a pillow to punch, a sympathetic shoulder to cry on, a stiff drink… maybe all 3, you might need it.
I know I do.
Bud Selig, this is your final warning. I think I speak for all the passionate fans of baseball when I say this. This sport has fans like no other sport does in America… not football, not basketball, and certainly not hockey. What has occurred over the better part of a decade is nothing short of a disgrace to our sport. We are a laughing stock in sports nation. The league of the Loveable Losers now is apparently just the league of Poor Losers Who Can’t Resist, Even Though Its Against The Rules, Since The Testing Program Is Absolutely Terrible.
Seriously, Bud, wake up and smell the Woman’s Fertility Drugs. You’re going to get overrun here in the near future by the fans, the clean athletes (wait, those don’t exist, sorry…), by the purists of the sport of baseball. We are tired of this garbage tarnishing our sport. Weekly, bi-weekly testing… whatever it takes. The players can whine and gripe all they want… but if they’re going to play in the league that you preside over, then you have the power to get them tested as often as you want.
The home run era is over, Bud. And it’s tarnished. We’ve still got power, but now we also have speed, small ball, defense, and everything else that baseball should have (even someone stealing home!). But as long as we have these steroid questions hovering about, we won’t truly have our game back.
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