Dear Arizona Cardinals,
I regret to inform you that I would like to revoke my recently submitted petition to become an official Arizona Cardinals Fan.
I know when I submitted my petition and asked to be moved from “Bandwagon Fan” to “Brand New Fan” status, that I promised to love, honor and cheer for you until death us do part. Or at least for a while longer so no one could call me a bandwagon fan since I jumped on the Cardinals Fan Bus during the Super Bowl run….
However, I feel like I was mislead and due to recent events, I feel I can no longer pledge myself to the Cardinals. You can go on and call me a Bandwagon Fan, I don’t care. I was taking a huge risk by offering to commit myself to the team, something I don’t do often. And now I’m left, mere moments away from the season, scrambling to find a team I can believe in.
See, when I first met you, it was love at first sight. It felt like kismet. Here you guys come into the playoffs, the perfect Cinderella Story led by a very charming, charismatic and well, let’s face it, drop-dead-gorgeous leading man (with just enough of a struggled past to make us ladies absolutely swoon).
And like every good story with a leading man, there was an equally impressive sidekick, a speedy guy who could leap into mid-air from out of nowhere and catch the ball one-handed with such astounding grace that it left me breathless.
Not to mention:
- your colors are red, white and black which are my fave
- you represent Arizona, a state close to my heart since two of my favorite people live there
- your backup Prince Charming, er, quarterback, was even hotter than the one who performed every week….
How could I not be swept off my feet and ready to pledge my love for all eternity?
You broke my heart. Twice.
First, you do nothing to convince Kurt Warner that he must stay. I know, I know, it was his decision and his knees and all that. But seriously! My favorite part of Sundays in the fall was watching Kurt complete a pass to Larry. He inspired me to want to watch football every week–and learn about it. And I was devastated and heartsick when he announced his retirement.
But hey, my heart patched itself up over the off season. I began to look forward to watching Matt take the field and hoped that he could carry on the magic.
And then you made him go away too! WTF Cardinals! Why do you hate me so much? Was my petition to be a fan such an unwelcome surprise that you had to go do any means necessary to get rid of me? That’s just mean.
Not to mention the other players that have wandered off to other teams (Boldin…)
Yes, I know, Matt sucks. I’ve heard it from everyone and their mothers that don’t even watch football. But you trade Matt, a QB so smokin’ hot he could almost knock off King Tom as the hottest in the all the league, for this guy?:
Ew. I do not want to watch that play. And I don’t want to have to go start watching the freakin’ Houston Texans!
Yes, I understand that hotness does not guarantee wins and blah, blah, blah. I’ve gotten a lot of “Well do you want your QB to be Hot or do you want your team to win?” Why can’t I have both? If you are gonna boot out a hottie, you should bring in a new one, that’s all I’m saying. Sam Bradford was out there…..
So, anyway, I hate you. And I no longer wish to watch your games.
I ask one small thing, as a favor for my unwaivering loyalty since December 2008. Please release Larry Fitzgerald so he may go somewhere else (Tampa Bay please, Larry!) so I will no longer have to watch any of your games and be reminded of this horrible betrayal of trust. Because I still love him and he did nothing wrong:
“I want to clear the air on that one,” Fitzgerald told Bob Baum of the AP. “I had nothing to do with that. Somebody told me I was pulling for Derek. I’ve never taken a snap with Derek, so how can I vouch for a man that I haven’t even played with. … Birds Blog
(My Translation: Um, if I’m going to be part of a Batman/Robin duo out here, you gotta get me a Val Kilmer or a George Clooney; not some actor that will scare away the women. )
In conclusion, I will be spending my Monday nights watching Kurt Warner on Dancing with Stars and refusing to watch any of your MNF games.
Jennifer L. Taglione
Former Arizona Cardinals Lover turned J-E-T-S, Jets Jets Jets! Fan (But Larry, I still love You!)