originally published on Words to Live By

Basketball playoffs, baseball starting up… should be a great season for sports, right?

It is… but not the ones you’re thinking of.

I love this time of year for one reason… hockey playoffs. I watched maybe 2 hockey games during the regular season, and I’m not even what you could consider a “casual fan”. I know Sidney Crosbey, I know Alexander Ovechkin (and that his name doesn’t have an “L” in it), and if you give me a team name, I can make a pretty darn good effort on telling you where they’re from, or vice versa.

But here’s what I know about hockey, in general.

• Goals = 1 point
• Most points = win (duh)
• Shootouts = not as cool as they are in The Mighty Ducks movies, nor do they happen as often
• Along those lines… Knucklepuck = novelty. It doesn’t work.
• Some of these guys can skate and handle a puck better than I can walk in a straight line.
• Goalie fights are rare, and should be treasured (i.e. plenty of cheering)

I remember hearing talks at the beginning of this NHL season (on Sportscenter, of course… I don’t actually watch regular season hockey) that they were thinking of banning fighting, or at least making the punishments “more worth it”. What a stupid idea. I understand the desire to keep these players safe… but let’s review.

• Guys skating faster than most people run, all the time.
• Guys wielding wooden/composite weapo… er, “sticks”…
• …which are used to propel a piece of frozen rubber at incredible speeds…
• …at guys wearing enough padding, they could probably stop a bullet.
• Checking, or the art of smashing your opponent into the boards/glass surrounding the rink, is COMPLETELY LEGAL.
• Actually, hitting a guy in open ice is pretty legal too.
• An attacking player can stand right in front of the opposing goalie, blocking his view of the play going on around him.
• Said goalie will more often than not push the attacking player, or hit him in the skates/legs/jajuna (yes, jajuna… get off me) with his oversized stick.
• And don’t forget about “enforcers”, which are essentially just huge guys that are able to fight and skate, that come out to “protect” their star players.

Oh, and let’s not forget… if someone *does* get a shiner or a bloody nose from a fight or the general play of the game, they can just lie down. Instant ice for your face… ta da!

You know why boxing isn’t watched very much anymore? Society in general has a severe case of ADD. I’ll watch the UFC, which is the same general concept (beat the crap out of your opponent, don’t get hit, etc.), but they can do more than just punch. Hockey is like a long, drawn out, 20 round boxing match, with pads, helmets, sticks, and skates, moving at 30 miles an hour on ice. See how much more interesting that sounds?

But all fighting aside… I watch playoff hockey for the same reason that I watch the UEFA Cup soccer matches when they’re on TV. It’s different, it’s interesting, and the feats that these guys can perform are just phenomenal. Plus, my alternatives right now are White Sox baseball (and they’re not playing the Red Sox, so that’s out) or the NBA opening round playoffs (Kobe scores, LeBron scores, Shaq sc… wait, Shaq’s sitting at home right now… dangit). The aggression that caters to a testosterone-laden college student is just an added bonus (plus, I know plenty of women that like hockey as well).

How can you possibly resist the mullet?

How can you possibly resist the mullet?

Plus, hockey season brings out Barry Melrose, quite possibly the only guy that can make a mullet look good.

And the playoffs are just super. These teams have been playing for 82 games in a high-pressure environment, striving for all the points they can possibly get for their team, and now have a 7-game series in order to move on to the next round. Tons of pent-up aggression and a desire to move on motivate these guys to play hard every single second that they’re in. I’ve been watching the San Jose/Anaheim game as I write this, and these guys are hustling, constantly moving, and playing physical almost non-stop. NBA players should take notice.

Actually, the NBA should take notice. Here you go. This is how you make your games more interesting. Put walls up around the floor, and allow checking. Couldn’t you see it? Ray Allen going up for a 3-point shot from the corner, only to be checked into the boards by Dennis Rodman? (Yes, The Worm. He’d thrive in this environment.) Also, allow player substitutions on the fly. No “checking in during free throws” crap. It’d be epic! It would also shorten the career of your average NBA player… but who cares?!? It’s all about ratings, right?

So… my public service announcement of the day…

Support the NHL. Dentists Worldwide Will Thank You.

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